A man of conviction

Conviction is a word with two interesting definitions.

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines conviction as a formal declaration by judge or jury of someone's guilt in a criminal offense.  The second definition is that it is a firmly held belief or opinion.   Hmmmmmmmm....

I know of a man who fits both definitions. 

On many occasions he barges into the "L" with a sense of purpose.  Always during the day time and with one clear message.  His opening statement is brief, direct to the point and delivered with a strong voice.  At the front of the train car he announces, politely, that he is a recently released ex-offender. He goes on to say that he refuses to steal, rob, and commit a crime but it has been a challenge for him to get a job.  His request is simple, he is asking if anybody can donate any amount that will go towards a purchase of his bus and train pass as he continues to search for a job.  After this 20 second speech, he pauses, stares unabashed at the crowd, and waits. His release paper laminated for all to see.  A man with his pride and past crime vulnerable to the whole world.  Or is he?

You can see the mix reaction from the crowd.  Some shake their heads and roll their eyeballs.  Others pretend not to hear and fall into the "blank stare" zone.  But there are some who struggle with the decision to succumb and give money to support his cause.

I know I did.

At first I pretended to not pay attention but my left hand dove into my pocket looking for some loose change.  It is like it had a mind of its own.  At the same time the mini Mary Roses started to argue in my head. One would say "sure... he's just pretending.  My,  what a good actor". But the other one would answer back and say "What if he really does need the money...after all, it is a hard world out there". Then in a split second just before the man with a conviction was about to leave the train car, I heard a voice that came out from MY throat say "Sir, here you go.  Good luck".  My hand followed by handing him a $5 bill.

Wow...my body was in full conspiracy against my better judgment. When he looked straight at me and said "Ma'am, thank you so much" I felt a rewarding warmth.  Then after a second or two of feeling good, the mini Mary Roses started to argue again.  And yes they went on and on till I got to the Clark and Lake stop. "I hope he doesn't buy booze with it"..."Oh, I hope somebody else will give him more so he can buy his pass"...or I like this one "Shnikies...why did I give him $5?  Now I have to take out money from the ATM to buy my own pass".

Today, the man with a conviction is just a few dollars away from getting that train pass.  I don't know if he will use it for good.  I hope he does use it to start a new life.  All I know is that today, I felt darn good about what I did.   I saw him not as an ex-convict but a man who believes that he can change his stars.