Conviction is a word with two interesting definitions.
Merriam-Webster dictionary defines conviction as a formal declaration by judge or jury of someone's guilt in a criminal offense. The second definition is that it is a firmly held belief or opinion. Hmmmmmmmm....
I know of a man who fits both definitions.
On many occasions he barges into the "L" with a sense of purpose. Always during the day time and with one clear message. His opening statement is brief, direct to the point and delivered with a strong voice. At the front of the train car he announces, politely, that he is a recently released ex-offender. He goes on to say that he refuses to steal, rob, and commit a crime but it has been a challenge for him to get a job. His request is simple, he is asking if anybody can donate any amount that will go towards a purchase of his bus and train pass as he continues to search for a job. After this 20 second speech, he pauses, stares unabashed at the crowd, and waits. His release paper laminated for all to see. A man with his pride and past crime vulnerable to the whole world. Or is he?
You can see the mix reaction from the crowd. Some shake their heads and roll their eyeballs. Others pretend not to hear and fall into the "blank stare" zone. But there are some who struggle with the decision to succumb and give money to support his cause.
I know I did.
At first I pretended to not pay attention but my left hand dove into my pocket looking for some loose change. It is like it had a mind of its own. At the same time the mini Mary Roses started to argue in my head. One would say "sure... he's just pretending. My, what a good actor". But the other one would answer back and say "What if he really does need the money...after all, it is a hard world out there". Then in a split second just before the man with a conviction was about to leave the train car, I heard a voice that came out from MY throat say "Sir, here you go. Good luck". My hand followed by handing him a $5 bill.
Wow...my body was in full conspiracy against my better judgment. When he looked straight at me and said "Ma'am, thank you so much" I felt a rewarding warmth. Then after a second or two of feeling good, the mini Mary Roses started to argue again. And yes they went on and on till I got to the Clark and Lake stop. "I hope he doesn't buy booze with it"..."Oh, I hope somebody else will give him more so he can buy his pass"...or I like this one "Shnikies...why did I give him $5? Now I have to take out money from the ATM to buy my own pass".
Today, the man with a conviction is just a few dollars away from getting that train pass. I don't know if he will use it for good. I hope he does use it to start a new life. All I know is that today, I felt darn good about what I did. I saw him not as an ex-convict but a man who believes that he can change his stars.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Master Commuter: How to blend
So I'm from Guam, a very beautiful island in the Pacific with sandy white beaches and laid back living. Our idea of public transportation is riding on the back of a carabao (water buffalo) to go from village to village....NOT! Well, sometimes, if you count riding them during our village fiestas.
Well, when I first got to The Chi , the thought of riding the "L" excited and scared me at the same time. Of course, I can hear my mother's voice in the back of my head telling me that the "L" is full of pick-pocketers and mean looking bums. She meant well, as always. But believe me she ingrained it in my head, my knuckles were white from clutching my purse too tight the first time I got out of my train ride.
What worried me when I first got here is that would be pick-pocketers would spot the train newbie - ME. Geez, I can see all of you imagine me looking the very part of a frightened short girl. Trust me, I didn't look the part of the frightened nervous "fresh off the boat" girl from Guam. I think. The reason? I learned how to blend...FAST.
I am sure that there are many, like me, who come from small islands, cities, or towns that will want to live the big city life and will use the trains and buses. Why not? It's the best way to get from Point A to Point B. Here are some of my "blending" tips that I hope will help.
Tip 1. Don't tell everyone this is your first time riding the train
Notice this is number 1. This spells "gullible" and alert hoodlums around you. This never happened to me but I swear I see many people announce how excited they are to be on the "L". For the most part, people in the Chi are friendly but believe me I've seen them hoodlums try to be the friendly adviser too. Hold your excitement, you might find yourself lost in the West Side of the Chi.
Tip 2 Enter "Blank Stare" zone
Ok, this is my favorite. I get into this state almost instantly. I mastered it. You don't want to get caught staring at somebody. So the best way to handle this is to avert your gaze into a spot that you can stare at for a loooong time. In some cases, when the train is full and your crammed into the car, fix your stare to the side of someone's shoulder or the train advertisement. You'll get into the "blank stare" zone fast. When you're there, you won't feel obliged to talk to somebody or fumble for your phone, you can easily get into 100 conversations with the little voices in your head. Believe me, my little voices entertain me enough.
Tip 3 Your cellphone is your ally
When you're tired from entering the "blank stare" zone, there's always another way to get connected without getting into a long overdrawn conversation with somebody on the train. Your cellphone. Go ahead and tell everybody in Facebook you are on the train and you haven't been pick pocketed. You can be excited there. Or you can pretend you're texting or listento music just like the regular commuters. Or probably, if you have an ancient cellphone like me, you can try to strain your neck to listen to the "girl with the cellphone" by semi-entering the blank stare zone. For those that do not know her, I described her in detail in my previous blog.
Tip 4 Stand like you mean it
This is a challenge. You can always tell someone who is a train newbie by the way they stand in the train. Make sure you hold on to something and don't lock your knees. Ladies, I know we try to look cute sometimes by posing (I do that sometimes) but believe me we won't look cute if we fly across the train and smack against an angry commuter. Well, if you fly across the train into a shocked handsome man that would be a different story but reality is even the Prince Charmings in a crowded train don't want to get smacked into. So stand like you mean it. No need to look tough or vigilant, just hold on to something.
Oh and by the way, while you do all these tips make sure you have your purse in front of you. For the men, I have no idea how you keep your wallet safe. Just know a brush on your rear doesn't necessarily mean you have a nice butt. It could be somebody pick-pocketing you.
Well, when I first got to The Chi , the thought of riding the "L" excited and scared me at the same time. Of course, I can hear my mother's voice in the back of my head telling me that the "L" is full of pick-pocketers and mean looking bums. She meant well, as always. But believe me she ingrained it in my head, my knuckles were white from clutching my purse too tight the first time I got out of my train ride.
What worried me when I first got here is that would be pick-pocketers would spot the train newbie - ME. Geez, I can see all of you imagine me looking the very part of a frightened short girl. Trust me, I didn't look the part of the frightened nervous "fresh off the boat" girl from Guam. I think. The reason? I learned how to blend...FAST.
I am sure that there are many, like me, who come from small islands, cities, or towns that will want to live the big city life and will use the trains and buses. Why not? It's the best way to get from Point A to Point B. Here are some of my "blending" tips that I hope will help.
Tip 1. Don't tell everyone this is your first time riding the train
Notice this is number 1. This spells "gullible" and alert hoodlums around you. This never happened to me but I swear I see many people announce how excited they are to be on the "L". For the most part, people in the Chi are friendly but believe me I've seen them hoodlums try to be the friendly adviser too. Hold your excitement, you might find yourself lost in the West Side of the Chi.
Tip 2 Enter "Blank Stare" zone
Ok, this is my favorite. I get into this state almost instantly. I mastered it. You don't want to get caught staring at somebody. So the best way to handle this is to avert your gaze into a spot that you can stare at for a loooong time. In some cases, when the train is full and your crammed into the car, fix your stare to the side of someone's shoulder or the train advertisement. You'll get into the "blank stare" zone fast. When you're there, you won't feel obliged to talk to somebody or fumble for your phone, you can easily get into 100 conversations with the little voices in your head. Believe me, my little voices entertain me enough.
Tip 3 Your cellphone is your ally
When you're tired from entering the "blank stare" zone, there's always another way to get connected without getting into a long overdrawn conversation with somebody on the train. Your cellphone. Go ahead and tell everybody in Facebook you are on the train and you haven't been pick pocketed. You can be excited there. Or you can pretend you're texting or listento music just like the regular commuters. Or probably, if you have an ancient cellphone like me, you can try to strain your neck to listen to the "girl with the cellphone" by semi-entering the blank stare zone. For those that do not know her, I described her in detail in my previous blog.
Tip 4 Stand like you mean it
This is a challenge. You can always tell someone who is a train newbie by the way they stand in the train. Make sure you hold on to something and don't lock your knees. Ladies, I know we try to look cute sometimes by posing (I do that sometimes) but believe me we won't look cute if we fly across the train and smack against an angry commuter. Well, if you fly across the train into a shocked handsome man that would be a different story but reality is even the Prince Charmings in a crowded train don't want to get smacked into. So stand like you mean it. No need to look tough or vigilant, just hold on to something.
Oh and by the way, while you do all these tips make sure you have your purse in front of you. For the men, I have no idea how you keep your wallet safe. Just know a brush on your rear doesn't necessarily mean you have a nice butt. It could be somebody pick-pocketing you.
Monday, January 16, 2012
One hundred conversations in 45 minutes
The most important conversation you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. Always.
If this is cartoon world and a cartoon doctor is to dissect my head, they will find hundreds of little Mary Roses running around in there like little ants talking, making funny facial impressions, crying, pouting, stomping, laughing. You name it! You'll see every facet of me having a conversation with ME.
Time is crucial but more so to the daily commuter. Getting from point A to point B is all about timing. I know that it will take thirty seconds for me to get to the bus stop from my apartment (45 sec if I'm wearing 3 inch heels). Two minutes from the bus stop to the train station, 24 minutes from Cumberland station to the Damen Blue Line, and fifteen minutes to North and Wells.
And all this time, I have over one hundred cartoon Mary Roses running around my head talking to me. Sounds psychotic doesn't it? Makes you wonder if I can function at all with all these voices in my head. But these are the same voices that motivate this girl teetering in 3 inch heels, with a cool composed smile on her face, holding a grande cup of steaming Starbucks caramel apple cider, and poised to strike another deal.
Indeed, the most important conversation you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. On many occassions, the girl with the cell phone barges in to amuse me but nonetheless the voices in my head dominate my commute time.
In a span of forty-five minutes, I can choose to drown out the layers of self talk that brings anxiety, nervousness, uncertainty and stress and choose to listen to the voices that strategizes, encourages, or sing the tunes of "Everyday I'm shuffling". Oh yeah, I have the partier Mary Rose doing her mixes there too....constantly.
Here's the clincher. Whichever voices I choose to listen to usually determine the outcome of my day. So if I chose to listen to the pouty Mary Rose that is crying over an appointment that didn't happen, I'd be miserable. But if I make optimistic Mary Rose be heard over the others, I can guarantee to be walking with joy in my feet.
Forty five minutes is all I need to sort through the rumbling voices in my head. By the time the train door opens, the world as we see goes back to normal view, the city sounds take over. The voices in my head diminish just a tad bit. My day's path is determined.
If this is cartoon world and a cartoon doctor is to dissect my head, they will find hundreds of little Mary Roses running around in there like little ants talking, making funny facial impressions, crying, pouting, stomping, laughing. You name it! You'll see every facet of me having a conversation with ME.
Time is crucial but more so to the daily commuter. Getting from point A to point B is all about timing. I know that it will take thirty seconds for me to get to the bus stop from my apartment (45 sec if I'm wearing 3 inch heels). Two minutes from the bus stop to the train station, 24 minutes from Cumberland station to the Damen Blue Line, and fifteen minutes to North and Wells.
And all this time, I have over one hundred cartoon Mary Roses running around my head talking to me. Sounds psychotic doesn't it? Makes you wonder if I can function at all with all these voices in my head. But these are the same voices that motivate this girl teetering in 3 inch heels, with a cool composed smile on her face, holding a grande cup of steaming Starbucks caramel apple cider, and poised to strike another deal.
Indeed, the most important conversation you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. On many occassions, the girl with the cell phone barges in to amuse me but nonetheless the voices in my head dominate my commute time.
In a span of forty-five minutes, I can choose to drown out the layers of self talk that brings anxiety, nervousness, uncertainty and stress and choose to listen to the voices that strategizes, encourages, or sing the tunes of "Everyday I'm shuffling". Oh yeah, I have the partier Mary Rose doing her mixes there too....constantly.
Here's the clincher. Whichever voices I choose to listen to usually determine the outcome of my day. So if I chose to listen to the pouty Mary Rose that is crying over an appointment that didn't happen, I'd be miserable. But if I make optimistic Mary Rose be heard over the others, I can guarantee to be walking with joy in my feet.
Forty five minutes is all I need to sort through the rumbling voices in my head. By the time the train door opens, the world as we see goes back to normal view, the city sounds take over. The voices in my head diminish just a tad bit. My day's path is determined.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The girl with the cell phone
It never ceases to amaze me. In fact, everytime I get on the "L", I almost look forward to her - the girl with the cell phone. I'm sure you know who I'm talking about. I'm sure you see her too. She's usually the one that makes a dramatic entrance on the train or the bus. Not with the flashy Louis Vuitton nor the SATC type outfit but the two blinging tools that makes the whole world stop to say "Wow", "Oh my", "Really" - her loud voice and her cell phone.
The girl with the cell phone. Yup, the ride is never dull when she's around. She makes quite an impression you can't help but be aware of her presence. That and the multitude layers of drama she brings.
One day, she'll be talking about her loser boyfriend and hear her complain about how she has to be the one to be feeding his "beep". Heaven knows why she still stays with him but in fifteen minutes you feel you know "Loser" too. In fact, you would not know who to defend- him for her open unabashed name calling or her for his low life user ways. And boy, does she describe him in details with very, and I mean, very colorful adjectives. You would think that Loser's first name is "Puckin" or is it "Pumpkin"? Sorry the loud train must be drowning out that word.
Next time you see her, she'll be talking about how good she is at her job and that she deserves to be the manager. Again with colorful adjectives. When the sound of the train gets louder she gets louder too. Amazing how the girl with the cell phone can hear over the noise and manage to communicate. The more amazing thing is how the person on the other line can hear over that. It makes me wonder if there really is another person at the other end. Or if the people I talk to are just plain deaf. Or maybe I just don't talk loud enough?
The girl with the cell phone is a chameleon. She represents any race, any gender, any age, and any size. But one thing never changes, it's the drama she brings with her.
After all, she's the girl with the cell phone.
The girl with the cell phone. Yup, the ride is never dull when she's around. She makes quite an impression you can't help but be aware of her presence. That and the multitude layers of drama she brings.
One day, she'll be talking about her loser boyfriend and hear her complain about how she has to be the one to be feeding his "beep". Heaven knows why she still stays with him but in fifteen minutes you feel you know "Loser" too. In fact, you would not know who to defend- him for her open unabashed name calling or her for his low life user ways. And boy, does she describe him in details with very, and I mean, very colorful adjectives. You would think that Loser's first name is "Puckin" or is it "Pumpkin"? Sorry the loud train must be drowning out that word.
Next time you see her, she'll be talking about how good she is at her job and that she deserves to be the manager. Again with colorful adjectives. When the sound of the train gets louder she gets louder too. Amazing how the girl with the cell phone can hear over the noise and manage to communicate. The more amazing thing is how the person on the other line can hear over that. It makes me wonder if there really is another person at the other end. Or if the people I talk to are just plain deaf. Or maybe I just don't talk loud enough?
The girl with the cell phone is a chameleon. She represents any race, any gender, any age, and any size. But one thing never changes, it's the drama she brings with her.
After all, she's the girl with the cell phone.
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